Monthly Archives: November 2010

Leslie Nielsen (1926-2010)

Leslie Nielson died late this weekend. His movie career started when he co-starred with Robert Hays in Airplane! in 1980.  He was 84 years old.



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A Thanksgiving Haiku

Turkey and stuffing
Leave no room for pumpkin pie.
Happy Thanksgiving!

T&A By TSA

When traveling during the big Thanksgiving rush, if you find yourself being inappropriately touched by an airport security agent, the “Underwear Bomber” may have been to blame.

The Transportation Security Administration, or TSA, unveiled a full-body scan as part of airports’ security systems to detect prohibited items before passengers attempt to board their flight. I think airport security is a good idea, but the TSA has taken it waaaaay too far. First of all, you’re supposed to keep your privates… well, private. And another thing, who puts a bomb in their underwear?

If neither the metal detectors nor the full-body scanners give the all-clear sign, then the TSA agent may have the right to do a pat-down search. And yes, groping will be involved. Woah! Them TSA voyeurs are a bunch of sick fucks as far as I’m concerned — excuse my French, garçon. As creepy as it sounds, these new security measures are supposed to keep us safe, right? Wrong. We can’t bring our jumbo-size liquids on board anymore. We’ve got to take off our shows. Now they expect us to bare it all before the doors to the airport even open in front of us. What is this world coming to?

Fumin’ Mad

This is just one of the 36 proposed warning labels proposed by the FDA.

If you are an avid smoker, you’re going to want to pay attention to this.  The Food and Drug Administation, or FDA, has proposed a half-package long image of rather questionable warning about smoking cigarettes. The key is, they don’t sugarcoat it. They tell you point blank what smoking a cigarettes does or can do.

For example, they show a picture of an infant inhaling cigarette smoke by a young mother and below the image it reads, “Tobacco smoke can harm your children.” If we learned something, it’s this: SECONDHAND SMOKE AND BABIES DON’T MIX! Another image contains a picture of a dead body and below it, the caption says “Smoking can kill you.”  The amazing and graphic images alone are enough to scare you shitless.

There are more and more establishments where you can’t light up a smoke. Hospitals, health care clinics, restaurants, and bars are just a few places smoking is prohibited. The Big Y, for example, also prohibits smoking within  50 yards (or 150 feet) of its stores in all locations, including the West Hartford and Branford locations, former Waldbaums and A&P stores respectively. It’s clear that it is only matter of time until the other chain supermarkets follow suit. The point is this: smoking a cigarette has turned from a pleasuring experience into a health-constricting nuisance.

Here is Denis Leary on Smoking (fast forward to 5:20)

Very, Very, Very, Early Christmas

… um, I mean… early holiday, to be politically correct.

But the signs that Christmas is closer than you think could be right in you neck of the woods. In East Hartford, alone, the town center’s pilot lights are already getting decked out in Christmas provincial. Supermarkets and several CVS, RiteAid, and Walgreens stocking up on Christmas foods, such as egg nog, gingerbread, and *shudders* fruitcake have had to sell out the Halloween candy IMMEDIATELY.

And let’s not forget about the first snow first seen in the Litchfield Hills, because when I think snow, I think Christmas. Like I said earlier, Lewis Black is plumb furious that Christmas is getting longer and longer.

When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween, and Santa wasn’t poking his ass into it! And Thanksgiving was it’s own holiday.

But we can’t call it Thanksgiving no more. It is now “Christmas Halftime,” as Lew would put it. I bet the malls across the country are going to be a bunch of madhouses come the wee hours of November 26 a.k.a. BLAAAAACKKKK FRIIII-DAAAAAAAY!!!!! *maniacal laughter* I personally would steer clear of the malls on that day after Thanksgiving due to the fear of being trampled to death by a horde of frantic early-bird shoppers. I mean who gets up at 3:00 a.m.?

Loss in “Wheel” Family

Wheel of Fortune announcer Charlie O’Donnell has died Monday.  He’d been opening the game show for decades. He was 78 years old.

The McRib is McBack!

While I was jonesin’ through a Thursday episode of “The Colbert Report,” I realized that ribs really are like a baby. They, to quote Stephen Colbert, “need to baste for nine months.”

Or nine hours for that matter.

On that note, McDonald’s is bringing back the McRib, but… it’ll be here for a limited time. If you can’t stop drooling after you hear McRib, listen to this: it swims in a pool of barbecue sauce-y goodness. And most importantly, no bones! Ahhh, the sweet taste of Americana.