Tag Archives: Thanksgiving

Gourd Picker

A “Gold Digger” parody, just in time for fall. Sorry, Kanye.

He pick them pumpkins
In fields of green
Yeah, he’s a harvesting machine
Oh, he’s a gourd picker
Straight from the town
Of Chicopee

(He pick them pumpkins) I ain’t hatin’ on the gourd pickers
(In fields of green) But it’s gotta get to my store quicker
(He pick them pumpkins) I ain’t hatin’ on the gourd pickers
(In fields of green) But it’s gotta get to my store quicker
(Fields of green) Get the pumpkins off the ground
(Fields of green) Get the pumpkins into town
(Fields of green) Get the pumpkins off the ground
(Fields of Green) Get the pumpkins in here

Thirteen weeks, thirteen weeks
They been plantin’ them pumpkins for thirteen weeks
I know somebody payin’ top dollar to rake all his leaves
The biggest gourd in town, well, is probably his
You will see ’em in the market every October
Hauled by a trucker that’s barely been sober
He was supposed to drink some apple cider on that Monday
He got all lit up drunk like nitro on that Monday
He walkin’ around lookin’ like Psycho on that Monday
Shoulda’ got that gourd that’s ripened on that Monday (Monday)
If you like Halloween, holler we want pumpkins
WE WANT PUMPKINS, Yeah!
They’re really good for makin’ pies
Both for girls and guys, better recognize
Thirteen weeks, thirteen weeks
Come Thanksgiving day, I’m havin’ orange cheeks

(He pick them pumpkins) I ain’t hatin’ on the gourd pickers
(In fields of green) But it’s gotta get to my store quicker
(He pick them pumpkins) I ain’t hatin’ on the gourd pickers
(In fields of green) But it’s gotta get to my store quicker
(Fields of green) Get the pumpkins off the ground
(Fields of green) Get the pumpkins into town
(Fields of green) Get the pumpkins off the ground
(Fields of Green) Get the pumpkins in here

I ain’t hatin’ on the gourd pickers, no sirree
You want to carve a gourd, but them knives ain’t free
You got out to your front lawn, there’s the leaves
There’s logs in the back, you gotta use ’em this week
But while it’s chilly, watch ’em
They gon’ fall off the branch like they did in Boston
It’s autumn tradition, baby, see with your eyes
In lieu of changin’ winds,  it’s all in the skies
So, let’s realize
That pumpkins come callin’ at discount price
And they gon’ keep rollin’ and flyin’
All day and night-er
And that autumn chill will leave you runnin’ for that cider
(Fields of green) Get the pumpkins off the ground
(Fields of green) Get the pumpkins into town
(Fields of green) Get the pumpkins off the ground
(Fields of Green) Get the pumpkins in town
Let me hear that, Jack?

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Worth Fall-ing For

Ahhh... Fall

Apple cider. Fairs. Pumpkins and their pies. That nip in the air. All those could mean only one thing: it’s Fall.

It is difficult to appreciate the fall season as winter and summer get all the attention. In stores, the Ben & Jerry’s Pumpkin Cheesecake are well in stock. Dunkin’ Donuts wants you to fall for the fall favorites like the hot or iced apple cider and their pumpkin variety such as pumpkin latte.  And since it’s October, they’re selling pumpkin…  whatevers like hotcakes. They’ll even sell those through Thanksgiving.

But the one question that’s been burning in my mind: Why do they call it Oktoberfest if it happens in September?

A Thanksgiving Haiku

Turkey and stuffing
Leave no room for pumpkin pie.
Happy Thanksgiving!

November for Thanksgiving, not Christmas

Tom the Turkey will have to find another job this month; Santa Claus is coming to town.

November is made for Thanksgiving….not Christmas. Thanksgiving is the day that families gathered and you get to pig out on some bangin’ food — turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, carrots, and the like. If you eat enough turkey, you might slip into a turkey coma so you don’t want to do shit for the rest of the week.

But those days are loooooong gooooooone. You might think the Christmas shopping season started on Halloween and you’d be wrong. It actually started, according to comedian Lewis Black, on July 7th. Unbeknownst to us, Santa Claus looked at Tom the Turkey and went, “I’ll take it from here. Ho-ho-ho! I love Thanksgiving, but Christmas is better! No hard feelings, huh?” In fact, Christmas has gotten so long, it knocked Halloween right off the calendar. If we’re not careful., Columbus Day could be next.

Then there’s Black Friday — the day after Thanksgiving. Millions and millions make camp outside the mall just to get the greatest deals. I’d like to call Black Friday “The Running of the Bulls Day,” and yes, there will be blood.