Monthly Archives: November 2009

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

I was jonesin’ around the Internet and have stumbled upon a clip of Paul Simon’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”. He only gives you like four ways in the entire song (click here for lyrics). For example:

There are 50 ways to leave your lover
You just flip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free

Excuse me?!! Only 50 ways to leave your lover?!! Bullshit! I’ve got some more:

•  Get another job, Bob.

• Time to shave, Dave.

• Drop your pants, Lance.

• Send her to the warden, Jordan.

• Tell her you’re a geek, Zeke.

• Spray-paint her hair, Claire.

• Piss on her feet, Pete.

• Cheat on him with a sailor, Taylor.

• Kick him in the leg, Peg.

• Feed him to the fish, Trish.

• Keep her cryin’, Brian.

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Oprah Wraps up Show in 2011

Oprah will end her talk show in September 2011.

No surprise there. Oprah Winfrey will announce tomorrow that the Chicago-based talk show will end its run in 2011 after 25 seasons. It seems like yesterday that the talk show opened its 24th season — as it did in early September. More than 20,000 of her fans lined up alongside Michigan Avenue for the Chicago block party with the Black Eyed Peas.

She is the only African-American talk show host to make the Forbes billionaire list. She helped campaign Illinois senator Barack Obama for President of the United States last August. Obama then won the most electoral votes, thus becoming the first African-American (or black) man or woman to hold the office of Presidency. I won’t get into the details on how Oprah’s magic helped get Obama elected so please don’t ask.

What does the future hold for Oprah? And most importantly, what will become of Harpo Productions (“Harpo” is Oprah spelled backwards)? Perhaps she’ll give us hints on tomorrow’s show. Or maybe not.

November for Thanksgiving, not Christmas

Tom the Turkey will have to find another job this month; Santa Claus is coming to town.

November is made for Thanksgiving….not Christmas. Thanksgiving is the day that families gathered and you get to pig out on some bangin’ food — turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, carrots, and the like. If you eat enough turkey, you might slip into a turkey coma so you don’t want to do shit for the rest of the week.

But those days are loooooong gooooooone. You might think the Christmas shopping season started on Halloween and you’d be wrong. It actually started, according to comedian Lewis Black, on July 7th. Unbeknownst to us, Santa Claus looked at Tom the Turkey and went, “I’ll take it from here. Ho-ho-ho! I love Thanksgiving, but Christmas is better! No hard feelings, huh?” In fact, Christmas has gotten so long, it knocked Halloween right off the calendar. If we’re not careful., Columbus Day could be next.

Then there’s Black Friday — the day after Thanksgiving. Millions and millions make camp outside the mall just to get the greatest deals. I’d like to call Black Friday “The Running of the Bulls Day,” and yes, there will be blood.

Ten-Digit Dialing in CT

cell_phone

10-digit dialing on all phones throughout CT starts tomorrow instead of Dec. 1.

Starting tomorrow in Connecticut, you’re going to have to get into the habit of dialing the 10-digit phone number. All phone calls — even to your next door neighbor — will require the area code and the seven-digit phone number.  This includes cell phones, fax  machines, and PDAs. Believe it or not, some of you are doing it now.

Calls outside the calling area in Connecticut will need the “1” followed by the 10-digit phone number. The reason for this is because Connecticut is almost out of numbers under the 860 and 203 area codes respectively and, as a result, area codes 475 and 959 will be added.

That Crazy Corner in Windsor, CT

Rtes305-75-159

Just try to find your way around town. Six Flags is 12 miles that-a way.

Anyone who has ever traveled through the vicinity of Windsor Center in Connecticut knows what I’m talking about. It’s that crazy intersection of Routes 305/75 and Route 159, i.e. Broad Street and Poquonock Avenue respectively. Any other crazy intersections in CT or another state you’ve encountered?

Yankees Win!!!!!!!

I stayed up ALL night watchin’ Game 6 of the World Series to see the Yankees win in their new stadium, and all I’ve got to say is:

FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The New York Yankees win the World Series for the 27th time, first in their new home.

27 World Series Championship Titles. ‘Nuff said. I know I’m not gonna get much sleep tonight, but I don’t care. It’s Thursday morning past midnight and I’ve never been more excited to be a Yankee fan. Dealing with Chase Utley of the Philadelphia Phillies wasn’t easy, though. Frank Sinatra must be smiling down on the Yankees in heaven, and you  know they’re gonna be playing “Empire State of Mind” by Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys.

Thank you and goodnight!

November…?

Happy November y’all….even if it happened 3 days ago.

Definitely gonna watch Game 6 of the World Series between the New York Yankees and the Philadelphia Phillies. My team, the Yankees, lead the series 3-2. They are trying to get their 27th World Series title. I can’t phucking wait! I will be pissed if the Phillies try to force a nail-biting Game 7. BTW do we STILL play baseball in November? I mean, baseball season is ending, basketball season is beginning and football season is still in midterms. November is much too weird! GO YANKEES!!!!!