This is a made-up eulogy of the Hostess Twinkie. Enjoy, bitches!!!
The Hostess Twinkie, 82 – Born in 1930 to James Alexander Dewar of the Continental Baking Company, who also goes by Twinkie the Kid, has departed his life on Friday, November 16, 2012 in an undisclosed U.S. territory due to complications of union greed.
Known to put a smile to every crying kid in America, Twinkie the Kid wrangled the evil bakery burglars with his lasso. Twinkie was also known to survive the apocalypse and suppress the “munchies” for those who smoke pot.
Twinkie the Kid leaves to mourn: his competitors Little Debbie, Tasty Kake, Drake’s Coffee Cake, and the Entenmann children.