Category Archives: Holy Mackerel!

The Most Wonderful Time for a Beard

Parody of “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”

It’s the most wonderful time for a beard
With those six months of swelling
And everyone telling
Gee, you look so weird
It’s teh most wonderful time of a beard
It’s the hair-hairiest season of all

With that winter cold bravin’
No I ain’t been shaving
Since early this fall
It’s the hair-hairiest season of all

There’ll be brushes for grooming
And mirrors from zooming
Those whiskers of hair that will grow
There’ll be razors I won’t use
And leftover hair booze
From Christmases a long time ago

It’s the most wonderful time for a beard
With that bouquet collecting
And people respecting
A face to be feared
It’s the most wonderful time for a beard

There’ll be mane pics for boasting
And trimmers for coasting
And no one will ever not know

It’s too cold to be shaven
When I’m in New Haven
So out of the building I go

It’s the most wonderful time for a beard
It’s so hard to remember
Since early September
Those whiskers appeared
It’s the most wonderful time
It’s the most wonderful time
It’s the most wonderful time
For a beard!

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Ben & Jerry’s Core Series

Just when you think Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream can’t get any better…. it does. Behold the 4 NEW Cores! The four flavors are Hazed & Confused, Peanut Butter Fudge, Salted Caramel, and That’s My Jam.

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I personally had the Peanut Butter Fudge Core. I love chocolate. I love peanut butter. But when the Peanut Butter Fudge Core was calling my name, I had to listen. Its fudgey core beckons, and you are hit with an intense wallop of peanut butter cups enveloped by chocolate and peanut butter ice creams. I can go on and on but you’ll have to take one of these babies home and try it for yourself. Deff can’t wait to try the others!

Why English Is Do Damn Hard!

Happy New Year, everyone! (I know I’m late but don’t judge me… please)

There is one thing that’s a-burnin’ a hole in my brain. What’s the hardest language one EVER has had to learn? English! Listen: irregular spelling in words as well as awkward pronunciation are key factors in the difficulty of English. There are countless rules that will have to be obeyed when learning English. No wonder English is so damn hard!

The first example comes from Why English is So Hard written by…. well, the author name is marked by Anonymous:
We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
Then one fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese,
You may find a lone mouse or a whole nest of mice,
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
The cow in the plural may be cows or kine,
But a bow if repeated is never called bine,
And the plural of vow is vows, never vine.

If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet,
And I give you a boot would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth, and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

If the singular’s this and the plural is these,
Should the plural of kiss ever be nicknamed keese?
Then one may be that and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren,
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis and shim!

Confused? So was I. :-/ But try this one on for size:
“I” before “E” except after “C” or when sounded like “A” as in “neighbor” or “weigh.”
Um…. that’s just weird.

Bomb, comb, and tomb. The “o” in all three of these words have different sounds, and each word starts with a different letter. Yes, tomb as in the phrase “from womb to tomb”

So do laughter and daughter. Augh!!

Ditto for height and weight, sour and four, and lead and bread.

Spelling can be tricky, too…. silent letters be damned. (BTW damn has a silent “n” at the end.)

Lifeguard Fired…. WTF!?

Sorry for the LOOONG delay, but June has been a shitty month for me. Anyway, I just need to ask one question that’s a-burnin’ a hole in my brain. WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF COUNTRY DO WE LIVE IN WHEN A LIFEGUARD GETS FIRED FOR SOME STUPID SHIT? (I apologize for the all-caps and profane language, but this story has made me so mad.) Seriously, he’s a freaking lifeguard! He’s supposed to save lifes, even if it means putting his own on the line.

They gave him his job back, thank goodness. But they shouldn’t have given him the axe in the first place.

T-Rex ‘n Effect

What’s in the name that makes one stand out above the rest? We now know Shawn Carter as Jay-Z. It’s how Daniel Lawrence Whitney became Larry the Cable Guy (Dan Dan the Chevrolet Man was already taken). And before Perez Hilton, there was Mario Armando Lavandeira, Jr. And let’s not forget AOL aka Quantum Computer Services.

Now there’s one more added to the list.

A Nebraska man by the name of Tyler Gold had legally rebranded himself as Tyrannosaurus Rex, Greek for “Tyrant Lizard King.” I kid you not. Why the sudden change to T-Rex? “Because T-Rex is cooler,” Gold responded. The other guys who used to pick on him when he was a kid will surely think twice before messing with him now.

But rebranded names don’t always work out well. Take Prince for example. In 1993, Prince changed his stage name to an unpronounceable symbol, referring to himself as “The Artist”.  In 2000, the symbol was no longer used and Prince went back to using his name again.

Don’t Bet on It!

What the hell was Mitt Romney thinking when he made a $10,000 bet that Rick Perry is out of touch? Or was it ten bucks? Don’t none of us have that kind of money… allegedly. A simple dinner for two or a couple of macchiatos would suffice.

“Imagine” Cain Style

Before you judge too quickly, that IS Herman Cain, one of eight Republican candidates for the 2012 Presidential Election trying to unseat President Barack Obama. He pulled a John Lennon with his own variation of “Imagine” using pizza. Mind you, he is the president of Godfather’s Pizza in Georgia. Take a listen.

BTW I’d like mine with extra cheese… if you please.