Daily Archives: December 23, 2009

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas… in Connecticut

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through New Eng-land
Not a flurry was falling, but you wouldn’t understand
All the wreaths were hung, and the lights blinked along
Over 8 million Nutmeggers can’t be wrong

All of us slept snugly inside of our beds
While visions of tax cuts danced in our heads
Our state is in the crapper, no question about it
No reason to explain, I just wanna spout it

Santa could deliver lots and lots of toys
To all of the NUtmegger girls and boys
But, alas, America this year had to cut back
What disappointment for a lighter-loaded sack!

Did that stop Santa Claus? Hell to the no!
He found a way to increase the factory flow
He phoned China of all the places in the world
They sent him those toys, better yet, they hurled

He was a good driver, so we heard him exclaim,
Calling to summon all of his reindeer by name
On Bernanke! On Geithner! On Donald J. Trump!
Let’s make those kids smile in each one swift jump!

The whole town was dark, almost nothing was heard
You couldn’t hear a chirp of a singing bluebird
When what arose near me was such a clatter
I got up from bed to see what was the matter

It was old Saint Nick, or Joe Lieberman in disguise
It’s definitely Joe, I can tell by his eyes
His eyes were bloodshot, his nose like a cherry
His dimples, let’s not go there, it’s kinda scary

He would come down the chimney quick as a breeze
And spoil the people of Connecticut with ease
Every stocking had a plan about health care reform
As if he had worked out a Joe-mentous storm

When he was done, up the chimney he goes
The soot quickly filled the air as he rose
And I heard him exclaim in joyous pride,
“Merry Christmas, Connecticut, and Wess-SSSYYYYYDE!!!”

H1N1 Where!!!??

You got to see this. This is too good.

Early this morning, I went past a Walgreens on the Berlin Turnpike in Newington only to find a digital sign that made me want to go, “You got to be shi kidding me.” The photo below explains it all.

"H1N1 Here" sign.

Anyone else who passed through this very Walgreens or anywhere on the Berlin Turnpike was like, “Son of a bitch! Now I’m gonna get sick!”