November for Thanksgiving, not Christmas

Tom the Turkey will have to find another job this month; Santa Claus is coming to town.

November is made for Thanksgiving….not Christmas. Thanksgiving is the day that families gathered and you get to pig out on some bangin’ food — turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, carrots, and the like. If you eat enough turkey, you might slip into a turkey coma so you don’t want to do shit for the rest of the week.

But those days are loooooong gooooooone. You might think the Christmas shopping season started on Halloween and you’d be wrong. It actually started, according to comedian Lewis Black, on July 7th. Unbeknownst to us, Santa Claus looked at Tom the Turkey and went, “I’ll take it from here. Ho-ho-ho! I love Thanksgiving, but Christmas is better! No hard feelings, huh?” In fact, Christmas has gotten so long, it knocked Halloween right off the calendar. If we’re not careful., Columbus Day could be next.

Then there’s Black Friday — the day after Thanksgiving. Millions and millions make camp outside the mall just to get the greatest deals. I’d like to call Black Friday “The Running of the Bulls Day,” and yes, there will be blood.


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